177: From Trauma to Triumph: Sarah Beth’s Journey of Healing, Motherhood, and Yoga Empowerment

Brianna Battles (00:02)
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Practice Brave Podcast. Today, I'm here with Sarah Beth of Sarah Beth yoga. And I'm excited to talk with her. She has a really interesting story of where she started and how her trajectory of life evolved into serving the fitness community, in particular the yoga community and has grown a very successful business and has done it all in the trenches of mom life and her own self-development. So Sarah Beth.

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me here on your podcast today. It's nice to be in this space again with you. know we got to connect. Is that probably a month ago? Someone was like, Hey, you guys need to talk to each other as like fellow moms around like the same era and I'm in the entrepreneurial online space. And we just like really hit it off. And I loved what you had to share. I thought it'd be great to kind of bring your story to.

podcast. So tell us a little bit about yourself, your background and what life has been like for you. Yeah. my gosh. Where to start? Yeah. Let's start with where I'm at right now and then we can go back. Okay. Right now I am an online yoga teacher to nearly 2 million yogis globally online through mainly my YouTube channel. I also have a Sarah Beth yoga app.

That is like my bread and butter. That's where I put my heart. I've got a team. My leadership team is four people and we've got several contractors underneath us. It's a beautiful life and I feel like I'm at a point in my business where I really get to appreciate the fruits of my labor. And that labor has been almost 15 years of work.

hustling and grinding. And I've gotten to the point now where I'm like, refuse to hustle and I refuse the grind. Like I've done that and it took a toll on me. And I'm so fortunate to be in a place now where I get to have the luxury of lifestyle design. I get to choose my W's and choosing your W's means like you get to choose where, what, why, who, all of that. Yeah.

But let me be really clear before people just click off and be like, yeah, okay, unrelatable. It wasn't always this way. And I came from a rough beginning, like all the way back to childhood trauma. I ended up going through the last couple of years of deep healing, therapy, plant medicine, and really a trauma healing journey. Ended up writing a book about it called Trauma Alchemy, which I have in the back here.

launched that about a year and a half ago. And I told my entire story and the journey to healing trauma and how it lines up with yoga. So yes, going further back, it's not as much of a luxury of a life. I grew up in a divorced household, which is fine. What was the hard part for me was that I had parents with

They were having a hard time in their life and it resulted in a lot of emotional neglect and physical neglect. I had a chronic autoimmune disease at a very young age that went undiagnosed for many years. I got diagnosed when I was eight with ulcerative colitis and things didn't really get better from there in terms of like the medical neglect.

Gosh, I should just like, I wanna just like fast forward through this stuff. So I'll say it briefly and we can go on anything that like needs to be talked about or that you think like, oh, let's get in there. I ended up taking my mom to court when I was 12 to switch my custody. I won that, I went to a new school and by the time I was 14, I was with my dad and he had full custody but I got to have the choice of where I got to live. And I ended up...

basically living and staying with my boyfriend at the time who was very abusive. So it was like, I didn't know that because I couldn't see red flags because of my upbringing. Keep it going to, oh my God, I feel like I want to start over. I feel like I'm just like jumping right in right now. I want you to jump right in. think, like I said, you have a really powerful story and

it is probably a lot more relatable than we wish it was, you know? Okay, yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, it's it's uncomfy sometimes to be so vulnerable, like, and to really like lay it out, you know? And the thing is, is you're right. Everyone has their story. And I, I, I minimized mine for so long. And then once I finally started telling my story, it was, I got to heal from it. And it was part of that acceptance. And so I hope that other people who are listening to this,

can find some of that for themselves too. Yeah. That's the power of storytelling and having conversations with people and then putting those conversations into the world because a lot of people don't have outlets or they don't feel like they're represented in different ways. Yeah. Yeah. You're so empowering. Thank you. It is part of my job, but I do love it. And I like having conversations with people. That's asking questions and getting people to open up.

So you lived with your boyfriend at a very young age. How old were you when you moved in with him or were like kind of- Well, yeah. So I was 14. I dated him between 14 and 18. He lived two blocks down the road, right? So it really wasn't super, like how much time I was there. Yeah. Wasn't super obvious that I wasn't also home. Yeah. And he was-

seriously abusive, but it didn't start that way. he the same age as you or older or? No, he was just one year older than me. So we went to the same high school. We saw each other walking to school. Like that's how we met. And the relationship started with just jealousy and possessiveness and controlling and the physical abuse like really just kind of got sprinkled in slowly. And it, was like the edge was always being pushed.

Right? Of abuse. And I was playing a part in all of that. I was playing like a role in all of that because I didn't know any better. Like I was doing the best I knew how at the time too. And I also didn't feel that I deserved any better. Right? Like my mental health was so low at that point in my life. And what I really needed was serious boundaries.

and serious protection and feeling like someone cared. And the only person in my life that really was doing that was this abuser. Yeah. In a very unhealthy way, right? I left him two weeks before it was time for me to go to college. I ended up getting into a college that was just a few miles away from his college so we could be close. But I realized that

in those two weeks before going to college, the final breakup, it was the final moment for me. I'm like, I am done. I am not going to continue this relationship with you because I don't want to have children with you. I don't want to be a human shield against my babies. I don't want them to have to witness this. Like this is done. And I found that strength within me and it was so powerful that it was like, this is it.

That resulted in him kidnapping me. It's technically called a kidnapping. He deadbolted me into his house for three hours and beat me up while his parents were out of town. I didn't know how to escape. didn't know how to get out. I didn't want to break a window because I'm not like a bad girl. I didn't want to get in trouble. I ended up finding a random cell phone in his brother's bedroom.

And like, that's a longer story and it's definitely told in my book, but I was able to call 911 and they were able to rescue me, kicking down the door and everything. And two weeks later after that, I'm going to college and I was like, I'm pretty sure I have PTSD right now. I cannot focus. I don't know what's going on. I'm too overwhelmed. Like what just happened? So I really struggled in college.

And the weirdest thing is I met my husband a week into college and I was like, my gosh, I really, really like you. Like I gotta say, I mean, it's been a long time, but that felt like love at first sight, but that felt like a red flag. Right. And,

We were, we were inseparable and he was so wonderful and safe and sweet and kind. And we just had that connection, but I knew this is horrible timing. I can't do this. Like I know that I need to take time for myself. That was a four year seriously abusive relationship that I just got out of. And I think I need to work on myself.

So college wasn't working. This new relationship was just like going to happen if I didn't do something about it. And I ended up going through a lot of suicidality at that time too. And there was just one night where I realized how suicidal I actually was and that I actually didn't want to do it. Like there was something in me. So I ended up calling a suicide hotline and they ended up sending me to a rehab.

facility, which I didn't completely agree with because I was like, yeah, I mean, obviously like I'm drinking and I'm open to whatever, you know, like I'm doing the things, but that's not the problem, but okay, if that's going to help. And it did help honestly, because it was, I mean, was like therapy became my full-time job once I got to that rehab center, which was such a good thing. Yeah.

so I was in rehab for 12 weeks, dropped out of college, obviously my, this guy that I was dating who's now my husband, he didn't know. just dropped off the face of the planet and he was like terrified, like ended up calling my dad to figure out where I was. yeah, that, I was 18 at the time, like all of this is happening and I'm 18 years old and I'm supposed to be fresh, like new adult in the world. And I felt like I can't do this.

I tried to be a normal functioning adult after that, you know, get back from the rehab. I'm going to meetings. I'm trying to get a job. Like I'm working in retail at the mall. and there was just an evening where I was post meeting, like post AA meeting with the people that I had gone to the meeting with and they were like, we're going to go to the strip club. And I was like, cool. Like I'll come with. Okay. And I got there and it was not what I expected. Like you think like,

I don't know, when you're you think strip club and you think like all the women there are like trying to steal your man. Like, you know, it feels like, I don't know, at the time to me, I thought it was supposed to be this like intimidating threat, but I walked in and I saw a community of women who like all worked together and they were all making a bunch of money and they were having a good time. Like they were having fun and I thought I could do this. I could, I could do this. And within a week I was auditioning.

And within a week after that, I was working as a stripper. I had debt collectors calling me $15,000 in debt for the first semester of college that I dropped out of. I had to figure out how am I going to pay my bills as a fresh adult, like paying for an apartment, paying for rent, paying for my car, paying for all these things. And this was paying way more than retail was.

But not only that, there was something about me owning my sexuality and me standing on stage and it's my choice of what I'm doing with my body right now that felt like a big fuck you to all the people who'd abused me in the past. All the people that controlled me in the past and possessed me in the past. It like, look at me, I'm self-possessed now. And it was two years of my life that I'm proud of. I know people...

Like don't wanna hear that. feel like maybe nowadays it's not a problem, but especially at the time it was an issue for the people who knew me in my life. They were very concerned about me and I get that. I understand the concern, absolutely. I was very responsible in those two years. Yes, there was drugs all around me and there was trafficking at points at different times like that I had witnessed and there's

you know, they're an underbelly of a world that I was a part of and I could see all of it. But I felt like I was in so much control of myself that I knew where I should be and shouldn't be and what situations to be in or not be in and how to remove myself. And I felt like I handled everything in a very safe manner during those two years. The funny thing is, is that the boyfriend, my husband now, but the boyfriend had come back like in my life.

at around the early stages of me as I always like said dancing, but yeah, it's like stripping. And I was like, Hey, like I like you and this would be really cool, but we need to be really clear. Like you're in college and I'm a stripper. Like make sure if you want to date me, like, are you okay with that? Because you can't tell me no. Like if at any point you tell me no, like

this relationship isn't going to work because I need to make that decision for myself. And he understood it. And he was like, no, you do what you need to do. Take care of you. And I trust you. And at the end of the day, you're going to come back to me. And he had to do his own work within himself to be OK with that.

That was like our life for a little while. was wild. Like, it was fun. And then there did come the day that I was done. I just like knew it. I mean, it was a bad hair day. And a bad outfit day and a bad makeup day. I was already in a bad mood and I just caught look at myself in the mirror and I could just see it in my eyes. Like I'm done. And I quit that second. I just packed my shit up. I handed it to a girl and I said, sell this.

I'm out of here. And I didn't know what I was going to do, which didn't matter because I just knew this is the moment. And if I don't listen to this moment, that means that I'm doing it.

when I don't want to do it, that's the red flag, right? Right. It seems like some parallels between leaving your abusive ex and then leaving a career that was just no longer serving. Like you maybe had those clues or that knowing, and then it was an immediate, like, this is no longer what is right for me, I am done. And it seems like that's how things move through your life for you.

is those big powerful moments. Absolutely. I think that for me, part of my growing within my emotional wellness has been to learn to really listen to my intuition and to learn to listen to my intuition before it gets to that point of hitting a wall. Because in both of those situations, the intuition became so loud that I'm like, okay, heard. And so since then, I've

been learning like, okay, my intuition's very wise. What is it saying to me without me having to go to an extreme? Yeah. Right. Yeah. So yeah, you're absolutely right. around and find out the really, really, really hard way. Yes. Yes. Because there's even that parallel even with my mom and taking her to court with me realizing like, oh, this is done. We can't do this anymore. I had probably $10,000 in shoe box money.

from that moment that I quit. And I was like, okay, I can live off of this for a little bit, but what am I gonna do? And I spent a month getting very anxious about what the future looks like and what am I going to do? And I was on a walk with my boyfriend and I told him, I figured it out, I'm gonna be a barista. And he goes, babe, I think you could dream a little bigger than this.

What would you do if money were no object? And that's when the visual of a yoga teacher training poster from the yoga studio that I was practicing at had flashed in my brain. And I was like, I would be a yoga teacher. And he was like, OK, so do it. I was like, whoa, whoa. I'm not very good at yoga. Who am I to want to teach people yoga? I'm not like a sage meditating in a cave somewhere.

And he was like, well, you won't know until you try. Yeah. And so I invested some of that shoebox savings into yoga teacher training. And around the same time, I was reading the book, The Poor Workweek and the book, Rich Dad Poor Dad. And I was inspired to start a YouTube channel. And that YouTube channel was, it's the same one that I have now, but it was called The Sarah Beth Show. It was like a variety channel, just a vlogging type thing. But when I was in the yoga teacher training,

I saw all this yoga content that wasn't online or on YouTube. And I thought, this is what I'm going to do. I want to start teaching this on YouTube, especially because I was being trained as a yoga teacher to create these full length, 60 minute yoga classes. And they're supposed to be so amazing. You put all of your heart into it. And then when it's over, it's gone. Yeah. And it's like important to note this is before online social media YouTube, it had its moments.

Like I think now like a lot of people don't really remember like you and I have been in the online game for a while, but it was not, you know, having that kind of accessibility to fitness was not a thing back then. So you saw the thing before it was actually a thing. Yeah. And I firmly believed that you can benefit from yoga without having to do 60 minutes at once. So what a perfect coincidence that I could make 10

minute yoga videos on YouTube and do what I thought was necessary. Like I was really scratching my own itch. And then all these other people around me were like, my gosh, like I have that same itch. And I filled this little niche at the time and I got better and better the more I did it. I mean, it was pretty cringe at the beginning, right? It's always pretty cringe. It's cringe to look back on anything. Yeah. Yeah. And,

That was back in 2010 that I started that YouTube channel. And then 2015, I started selling my first product. So, you I had five years of kind of dabbling and really treating it like a hobby and kind of being scared to commit. And then I finally started growing an audience. And then I said, okay, you know what? I'll make, I'll make a 60 minute yoga video for the first time and then I'll sell it. just to like quit time out. So for the first five years,

Were you monetizing anything from YouTube? Yes. So YouTube was different back then. You didn't have to have this like threshold and all of these other things to meet to be able to monetize. And so in the beginning, I remember the first month I'd made like 17 cents. Yeah. I'm like, yes, money. Yeah. But I could see it, right? And so that kind of fueled me. And every single month, it would be just a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more. By 20.

14, I remember I was making more on my YouTube channel than I was in my job as a chiropractic assistant. And so I was making, and I mean, that's not much. mean, I was making probably 1800 a month at the time on YouTube, but I thought I could do this. Yeah. Which again, back then it wasn't like a commonly understood or known way to have any kind of income. was still just, it just, it just wasn't one anywhere close to what it is now.

Yeah. Edge of like online business without that being an opportunity really back then or a normal trajectory for people, especially in the fitness industry. And during this time, my boyfriend and I had moved from Minnesota to Colorado. And so I was like filming in our cute little apartment.

Um, and I quit my job as a chiropractor assistant. had all the time in the world. So I would just like wake up in the morning and like set up my stuff. You know, I'm going to go film today. And, um, it was a really awesome time to be creative because we had so little demand. Like we didn't have a lot of, uh, bills to pay, right? We were so young. Um, and I didn't have a demand for my time. I just had all this time. So it was.

a fun time of my life to be creative and to really step into it. Fast forward to 2017 is when I launched the Sarabeth Yoga app. I mean, the growth between in those few years was phenomenal. And that was really, that growth reflected my personal growth and my willingness to learn as a professional.

in an industry that there was no manual. And not only that, but learn how to hire people and how to, you know, speak.

projects with people and all of those learning lessons and how not to burn out as a solopreneur. Cause I definitely went through that too. I shut my computer for three months, one time thinking I'm not doing this anymore. Yep. I can understand that. Right. And you're right. There was no, there was no guideline for online entrepreneurship, especially in terms of fitness and kind of delivering it that way because so much of

whether it's yoga or otherwise with weights or whatever, like there's that human connection element that now you're trying to deliver that online where people still feel like you understand what their body needs. Yeah. Yeah. And for the longest time I was doing that. I was the videographer. I was the editor. I was a social media marketer.

I was a strategist, I was the copywriter. I mean, I wore every single hat and no wonder I burnt out. Yeah, absolutely. So when did you get married then in that pathway? We got married in 2016. Okay. And it was a year. So, no, I mean, sorry. Wow. We got married in 2014. Okay. And we had my first son in 2016.

I mess that up all the time with my kids where I'm like, what year was that that I got married? When was the first baby? And then I like flip-flopped them. I think it's cause like we're supposed to remember these years and then they just become interchangeable. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. 2014, 10 years ago we got married. Okay. And we had very little at the time and we're living in like a low income apartment and we were struggling to get by. He was running a bar, like he had invested into a bar restaurant and it was

a really challenging time of our lives financially. And I had my first son, I went through the throes of postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression for an entire year after having him. And then, and that was that moment where I was like, I can't do this anymore.

and I need to shut down, Sarah Beth yoga. I that like part of that was in, it was accompanying the transition into mom life. Was that like the similar timeline? absolutely. Because I was doing everything before, but now I have new demands, right? A whole new human. Yes. And body and life and brain. That's frankly under functioning, you know, like we just don't function well during that season of life. Yeah.

I built myself out this like huge maternity leave, because I had all this time, right, beforehand. And then when that maternity leave kind of like petered out and it's like, okay, I got to get back to work. I want to get back to work because I love the creativity that I can express and the connection that I get, but I don't know how to do all of this at the same time. And I, part of that postpartum was this severe guilt of having anyone else help me. Yep. I get that.

Yeah. So stubborn with that too. Like I, and I think that when you're this overachieving and have had to like work and earn every single thing, you don't necessarily want to outsource much, especially your baby, you know, like there just becomes this, and when you're an entrepreneur, you're like, well, but I'm not working a nine to five. So because I don't have to go somewhere for somebody else, I should be able to do my little thing, even if it's not a little thing.

And also be a mom full time. And then you're just, you're burned out on all ends. And frankly, we kind of suck at, it feels like we suck at everything. Cause I'm like, well, I'm not really able to achieve and do things as I normally would in my work. But also I, I'm not enjoying mom life the way that I could or should or had hoped to. I had a lot of shoulds in my life at the time. Yeah. And it was, it was.

I was crumbling underneath the debt of it all, like the weight of it all. Yeah. What helped? Therapy. Yeah. I started seeing a therapist during that time in postpartum and having, and it was like, for real need this. Yeah. So sitting down with someone and being like, I don't know what this is, but I need it. And then having them tell me like real talk and real reflections.

it was like, tell people all the time, if you want real therapeutic advice, don't go to your friends, go to a therapist. Right. Friends will offer you friendly advice. Right. But if you want real therapeutic advice, that's the person to see. And that therapist helped me. I saw him for five years. He ended up moving into a different field. but I, I felt like, wow. I'm finally getting support.

even though, you know, yeah, he's not like a business coach. But I needed help to manage all of this. And a lot of it was learning about my own high expectations, the shoulds. Like I should be cloth diapering my children and feeding them handmade organic pureed food. And I should be spending every single minute with them and stimulating their...

know, growing brains and doing their tummy time with them. And I should not be ignoring them so that I can take care of my needs. And I shouldn't like, but I should take a shower, but it's like, was almost like the attachment parenting that we were told was like super important, but also like left moms feeling like, like, I feel like there was like a huge push for that back in that era. Cause that was also when I was in mom, early mom life.

And yeah, you just felt guilty about everything. Like, I'm not natural enough. This isn't the healthiest way. This isn't the best way. Am I neglecting my kid? And if you're coming from a background of feeling like you had so much physical and emotional and mental neglect as a kid, you're like, I'm gonna do whatever the exact opposite of that is. But you can't when you're also trying to nurture a lot of aspects of yourself, your work, and now this baby. Yeah, yeah. You know what? The funny thing, since then I've...

come to realize the trope in our media about the wife, right? She is the super mom. Like look at every single sitcom and every, like look at TV and how mom has been portrayed to us. Mom does everything and she's held together and like she's purely super mom and they always make the dad this like big dumb doofus. And that,

I didn't realize how much that was like impacting me that I felt I had to be super mom and why can't I do this? I'm clearly failing. And then I would look at my husband, like he was the big dumb doofus, but he's not. He's trying to, he's struggling too with, you know, all the same, like similar things, like he's struggling to sleep. He cares about his family. He wants to make things work. You know, his wife is like having a really hard time. He doesn't know how to help. And

One thing I did learn back then that helped me a lot and I try to tell people is if you want someone to help you, like if you're expecting your partner to help you, you need to let them do it their way. You can't micromanage their help. Right? So if I'm, if I am like, my gosh, can you please change a diaper? No, not like that. Right. You know, it's like the expectations that I was putting on myself, I was putting on other people. So.

really learning through therapy how to manage and recognize those expectations. Yeah, I think it's like really tempting when you're like anxious or depressed to like want to control what you can. And so then you become really rigid and this is the right way. And we have to abide by this exact schedule and this exact way to change a diaper or this exact way of feeding the baby. And like you just go into this hyper fixation of being like really controlling of.

like your own routine and how you do things, but also in what we impose on other people. And that's such a significant side effect of postpartum depression that I think it's really overlooked is like, it's not that you're just this controlling bitch. It's like, that is the thing that makes you feel safe is if I control of these things, then I am safer and my baby is safer and it's less chaotic and it will make everything better. But that's just not how it works. Cause it makes it more tense and hard on everyone and your environment.

Yes. Well, and the control is it's a security blanket, which is why it makes you feel safe. You feel security and certainty knowing exactly how things are going to go down. And so if anything gets out of that certainty, all of a sudden everything blows up. recognizing, right, security and certainty are some of your most basic human needs. How can you meet those human needs without having to

control everything. Like how can you meet those human needs in a deeper way so that you feel more fulfilled and you feel safe so that, you know, maybe things don't go as planned and it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. That I feel like for so many that takes usually the next round at motherhood to figure out. At least for me and a lot of the people I work with, they don't see that until they're on the other side. Maybe when they have a toddler now,

and they're going like round two with the baby or the baby has a totally different personality and you're like, actually, I'm not in control. They are gonna eat this, they grow up, they have their own personalities and their own ways. Like they are their own little human and like our job isn't to control, it is to like try to guide, you know? And so I feel like sometimes it takes getting out of that first time mom era into the second time saying like, I can't do that again. Whatever that was.

I don't want to repeat how I felt and just the intensity of that. like, where can I relinquish some of my control and rigidity and just have a little bit more of an open mind? Yeah. And relinquish comparison. Yeah. Right. Cause everyone else looks like they're doing it great, especially if you're on social media. my gosh. I had to remove my social media apps from my phone because I was like, I'm up at three in the morning, nursing my son, bored out of my mind.

thinking what can I do? I'll scroll social media. And I don't know what's more isolating than sitting there at three in the morning in the dark alone, looking at everyone living their beautiful lives in their cute little bikinis on their awesome vacations, right? When you're like leaking from every part of your body and like trying to keep it together. Yeah. Now I think early motherhood is just so hard. Like.

It's just, it's a really rough season. And you know, we have a lot of people in this podcast that are in the trenches of that season of life. They're pregnant, they are newly postpartum. Maybe it's their first baby. Maybe it's their third baby. But regardless, like those, that first year postpartum, you're just needed so much. Like physically needed, you're emotionally being like pulled mentally. I mean, it is just hard to be needed that much.

especially if you're somebody who is like really kind of rigid and like, gotta do it this way and this is what's best, this is what's right. don't want, you like you're just trying to control so many things. It just adds a layer of difficulty to what's already just a hard season because of that high level of need. Yeah, absolutely. And if there is something that the young mom or the new mom can control, that I say, yes, control that, it would be control that you are not alone.

Like you can ask your midwives, your OBs, like they'll know, ask for group support. There's mommy and me groups. I mean, I ended up going to mommy and me therapy for postpartum. And like, that was so helpful to see other women in real life with their babies in the same era as me. And they're also struggling, maybe in different ways. Maybe they were in a- I would loved that. I would have loved that. Cause all I had was like breastfeeding support groups and they were like all like,

made breastfeeding their whole personality. And I was like, okay, I cannot. Like, I'm just thought about that. Like, I don't know, I am just a hot mess over here. And like, my baby would scream at my tits constantly. So like, it just felt like I was this hot mess. there when yet and I and I thought maybe I was depressed, but I also was like trying to like, athlete brain my way through it. But having a group

or postpartum depression where it already removes that layer of fake and you're like, cool, if you're struggling also, let's like cut the shit and just be real now. know, like that would be so refreshing as a new mom. I love that you made that recommendation. Yeah. And, and, know, coming out of like during pregnancy, you're so supported in your, in the medical field, like with, with your OB or your midwife or your doula, but those people are still there. Even as you graduate out of it, those people know people.

They're the people to ask when you say, need more support, I need community. Are there mommy and me groups? Are there postpartum therapy, like group therapy that I can join? Because that was a huge benefit to me in that time of my life. I was so alone otherwise. Yeah, absolutely. And for those of you listening, like one of the, I say like main roles of pregnancy and postpartum athleticism coaches, those are people that have gone through my certification program.

is we have those coaches in most communities around the world now. And I say that those coaches are your first line of defense. like, maybe you feel like your doctor is just like, doesn't really get it. You can go and find one of those coaches and say, Hey, like I'm having this symptom or I'm really struggling with my mental health, or I don't know what to do about X, Y, or Z. And like, they are your point person because they are very, very connected. And that was a huge part of my wish when I created that community, that certification was like,

I'm one voice, but I don't know what community you're in. I don't know your people. And if we can have more coaches that, people use fitness as their outlet, they use fitness as their way to almost like out train postpartum depression. So if you go back to CrossFit right away, but you're struggling and there's a coach there that is really well connected to that community, you will be directed to the resources that you need. So I had to take that as a little aside here for those listening. Yeah, absolutely. mean, I've always kept my physical,

fitness and my physical wellness, because I learned through that therapy early on that that was one of the best things that I could do for my mood and my mental health. Yeah, absolutely. And it is such a vessel for helping us and navigate and improve. And I don't know about you, but I also used it in a way where I abused it. Like I then made it so that I was trying to get my body back and I was trying to look better.

and have things to train for and then have that like almost glorified when I would share that on social media. Like look what she's doing, especially working within the fitness industry. I remember telling people my only goal is to not look like I had a baby. And I'm like, God, that's so fucked up. It's so fucked up to say that, but ultimately like that's what I thought. I hated, I resented the fact that I had like a stretch marks on my belly button had changed. I hated it cause that was like an obvious sign that I was a mom and I didn't want there to be obvious signs.

that I was a mom, but that just shows you like how distorted we are and what a huge shift in identity and like where we see value, self value when you're undergoing that kind of transformation. And it just sometimes takes a long time to truly acclimate. That reminds me of a video I just watched, a YouTube video of Will Tennyson. He's a big like fitness YouTuber. Well, he, he more talks about like the industry now, but

He went to Boulder, Colorado. I'm in Colorado. And he called it, I went to the skinniest city in the world. And here's what I found. So I watched the video, because I'm like, I know Boulder, like what's this, right? And he's interviewing people and they're all talking about how there is a lot of fitness in the city. There's a lot of pressure in the city, a lot of disordered eating in the city, right? There's all that. But the one thing that...

Really, I've been chewing on since is this older gentleman that he interviewed said something along the lines of our society values the pubescent girl. And all of our women are trying to fitness their way or disordered eat their way. he was basically saying that that's like what's happening is that women are trying to achieve this pubescent girl.

a look in their body. And I know that's like hard to hear and it's kind of harsh, but I thought about it I'm like, my God, like when you said like, I don't want to look like I had a baby. It's like, I don't want to look like I'm a mom. Like, what does that mean? Yeah. Right. And I look at myself now cause I feel pressure too, being online and doing yoga on camera. And I don't want to be wearing skin tight clothes all the time, but you kind of have to, to be able to show the poses. And so I feel that pressure and I've recognized that thought of like,

I'm holding my body up against my pubescent self. I'm a different woman now. Thank God. I know. I know it is. It is so hard to see. I just think it's really hard for women in general to see our bodies change yet that's, that is what we have consistently experienced. Like you take out like age, know, like.

or like I should say more like weight, like weight fluctuations. Maybe we've been different sizes at different points in our life. regardless, what I look like now at 38 is not what I looked like at 18. And for the most part, like that's really positive, even though I've had a baby and so much trauma to my body. But what I look like at 48 is also gonna be much different than what I look like now because we have that opportunity to age. Like that's, it's an opportunity and we can't keep comparing

ourselves to even former versions of ourselves. think it's a really hard road of figuring out, well, if I can't look like the 28 year old version of myself or the 18 year old version of myself, because those ladies and that lifestyle is so different now. How can I be the best and healthiest version of myself in this body in the ways that I can control? Like, what does that actually look like? How can I be the healthiest looking, the healthiest feeling and moving person in this body?

It's just, but that is a hard thing to wrap your head around that you and I will likely both struggle with, especially having our body be the thing that is connected to some of our work. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I've definitely had the realization and I remind myself all the time, know, the sexiest person in the room is not the thinnest person in the room. It's not the, you know, person who got themselves back to their like pubescent self.

The sexiest person in the room is the person who's confident and laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves and isn't like thinking about all of this. Yeah. Yeah. It's such an energy. That's such an energy. Yeah. And that's, I know that's something that I think takes a lot of, a lot of self-awareness and growth around is especially working within the fitness world and being a woman and being online is letting our energy and our brain speak.

even more powerfully than our bodies and being able to lean into that because ultimately if we're lucky, we're going to have the opportunity to see our body continually change. And as women, change is our constant. mean, as humans on this earth, change is a constant. But as women, we are not stable. Like, hormones are constantly changing. Right? It's like, that is, but that is our superpower.

as women is the fact that if we can tap into those hormonal fluctuations in our body and we can tap into those feelings, we could tap into our energy, there are times where we can really push the pedal on our creativity. There are times where we can pull back and go into our self care mode. And there are times where we can really start to listen to our intuition. What is it telling us? Yeah. No, I agree. There's a, absolutely see how.

my hormones affect my business. Like, and I really try to leverage that first part of my cycle for a lot of creative, a lot of ideas, a lot of brain dumping and whiteboarding. And then like towards the, when I get closer to my cycle and like, have nothing creative to share. None of this shit matters. No one cares that this is dumb. And I'm like, okay, I'm probably gonna start my period soon. And I just need to like sit here under my blanket. But knowing that that's just like, you've got to like,

I've been flow with it. That's just how it works. And like you said, being able to leverage that a bit. Sinking with my cycle has definitely been empowering in my life. And not just that, but I've been sinking with the year too. So the Four Seasons Solution, a book that I'd read a couple of years ago, totally changed my life. And now I really...

go with the flow of what spring is. Spring is a time for new beginnings. It's a time to plant seeds. It's a time to slowly start to wake up your body and invite more movement in. And then there's summer where you're like totally productive and social and there's more sun in the day, right? And then there's fall where you start to harvest and start to prepare for your winter, winter where you slow down and ground down. Our cycle has the exact same in it. Like we have spring, we have summer for ovulation, we have fall for luteal.

we have the menstruation is our winter. And when you can actually lean into it, instead of thinking that you need to be at a perpetual summer all the time, you actually give yourself time to rest. I know. And it's funny because athlete brain is summer. Like you expect yourself to be summer all the time and you try to force summer even if you're in winter. Like you're just like, but this is what should, what it should be. This is how I should feel. This is what I should look like.

But you're right, there are cycles and seasons for everything and being able to, I call it, progressively overload your life and your seasons and periodize it to better serve you. And if you can do that in business, then it makes it lot easier to plan out, what does Q4 actually need to look like in business? And then what is that gonna mean for Q1? And you can start kind of leveraging.

your game planning around what you naturally need and what life looks like for you in that particular season. And as someone who lived in Southern California, literally my entire life, I like this slap in the face of Boise, Idaho of like, we actually have seasons here and it forces you to pay attention to that. It really like, it has forced me to not be summer expectation of how I operate in all the ways, all the time. I love that. Yeah. my gosh. Well,

I feel like we could talk forever about a variety of topics. And I just want to thank you for sharing so openly and vulnerably. I can see why so many people have connected with you online and in your app because you have a great energy and it's really authentic. And I think that in order to connect with people like that, it has to be genuine and that really has shown.

especially in this kind of episode and conversation. tell us where people can follow you and learn more about what you have to offer. Yeah, so I'm on YouTube. It's called Sarah Beth Yoga. It's S-A-R-A-H, Sarah Beth Yoga. And I'm also on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, but YouTube is where I mostly am. That's where I'm uploading yoga videos every week.

And if you want to spend more time with me personally, then you go to the Sarah Beth yoga app where I do live classes every week and people can join me in the chat and ask questions. also host retreats. right now we're doing about once a year. still have a couple of spots left for a retreat in Mexico this spring. And then, I want to mention too, that if you are interested in getting into yoga, I do have a free seven day beginner yoga challenge that I made.

purely and specifically for the absolute beginner. It's already out there. It's on my YouTube channel completely free. And I am launching a 30 day yoga challenge for the new year. So that's 10 minutes of yoga every single day for 30 days. I've programmed it in such a way that every single week you will be doing neck and shoulders, low back and hips, yoga for weight loss, full body flexibility and strength. And every week you will be progressing on the week before. So I'm really excited about this.

coming out in January and I would love to see anyone that wants to come my way and I will absolutely send people your way as well because I love what you're doing for our community. I think women really need this kind of support and guidance, especially in such a like kind of vulnerable time of their lives. Yeah, absolutely. It's like a rebirth in all the ways. So thank you so much for sharing. Go check her out and we will talk soon. Thank you.

Thank you.